I went to the doctors and what did they say …

I went to the doctors and what did they say,
“You have a Functional Neurological Disorder but you’ll be ok.
Here’s a website address, go and read it tonight.
You’ll probably just get better reading the words on the site”.

But hang on a minute, reading isn’t a cure.
I can’t just read something and then walk on through the door.
I need these legs working, do what they say on the tin.
Don’t question my intelligence with words spoken with a grin.

The pain from the cramping and pulled in ways you can see.
My body in positions I never thought it could be.
Loosing connection around me, not being able to move.
Seeing my children upset wishing for me to improve.

Long waiting lists whilst more symptoms come along.
Positive and determined, so what am I doing wrong?
Doesn’t matter how you fix it, I’ll try everything you’ve got to give.
I just need this to go away because I have a life I need to live.

That’s it, I can’t keep waiting and sitting on this shelf.
Ok I’ll read everything and try and work it out for myself.
I thought I was alone but there’s so many people the same.
Fighting each day with their malfunctioning brain.

I’ve learnt to manage my symptoms, keep my feet on the ground.
Yes, me with self-teaching because of very few services around.
My brain looks intact but sometimes my body doesn’t hear.
Distraction can help stop those symptoms that I fear.

It can be frustrating that people can’t see,
how my brain can malfunction and do this to me.
At times it’s distressing and it’s hard to comprehend.
You just expect if you can’t see it, it can easily mend.

I don’t wear a label, you probably think I look fine.
But my life is now challenged and take one day at a time.
There’s no magic cure, there’s no reason why me.
I’ve just learnt to deal with it and be the best I can be.

Please don’t judge a person when you don’t understand.
Listen and believe them when they hold out their hand.
No-one wants to be ill, feel their life is all doom.
This ‘not in your mind’ condition will be known one day soon.

Written by: Kim